Party at the Beach

I wrote this poem during my second poetry class, sometime in October of last year. It was inspired by an event from a few weeks prior, revised, and then revised again this past May.

 

 

Party at the Beach

I know after walking in between the space from the taxi and behind the house

that I’ll have to keep my center of gravity from roaming out

with the crazy man on his yellow raft

on the waves, who like me,

have trouble deciding if they want to stay calm

or begin flailing tumultuously.

 

After all the times on Beach Road avoiding the cars and construction workers,

I felt some kind of mystery shielding me from the inhabitants

that live somewhere between the sand, seagulls, and sundrenched pavement.

So understand, that when I’m standing here with the rest of the crew team

licking the barbeque sauce off my fingers from the chicken I just ate

and checking to see if I’ve spilt any on my wrinkly green collared shirt,

 

I feel like my little cousin;

who always puts his fingers in his ears to block out the noises while

gripping rubber snakes and coat hangers so tightly they lose their shape.

 

I shift invisibly between all the pink shorts and Hawaiian shirts,

and find myself in a corner holding another one of those red cups

that have too much foam in them. I look at my watch and wonder

how long it will be until I manage to drown out this group of degenerates

content to shout or dance or laugh

as the noontime sun passes overhead and makes a shadow over the patio.

 

Time picks up,

and one of the sophomores tells me to choose a freshman.

That’s what I do and whatever-her-name-is gets impressed by something I say, but that’s it.

One of the guys and I manage to determine the purpose of life and the likelihood of an all-powerful god.

A high five happens somewhere after that,

our old captain pays a visit, saying something reassuring about boat racing.

 

The crowd moves onto the pavement, and by then

I am part of a body not my own.

I can’t think anymore. I just move forward…

Water

Here is a poem I wrote in early April:

 

 

Water

 

How should I hold the long thin flower?

Down by my side, like it’s a drink,

a straight arm and my head cocked down

leaning back.

The green stem and yellow petals tossed onto the papers on my desk

considering just for a moment to place it in water,

I leave it.

A memento mori.

And I’ll watch the thin wrinkled stem’s sheath

retreat, like a snake’s skin.

The bright base of the stem will withering,

become dry and cracked.

My memory searches for the last moment:

Shopping for flowers to put in the backyard,

hacking down the daisies in some tall grass in Maine with my brother…

Letting something die,

like after the memory of ashes and my teacher giving me flowers in fifth grade.

She loved her students like the children she could have had.

Little, blue and yellow; they were by the window to devour sunlight, but no one watered them.

They’d have died anyway…they don’t last forever…

A severe reminder I can see and touch, everyday,

This time on purpose—

Not to do it again.

Sounds, Observations

If I think about the languages I hear on a daily basis at college, I  think it would be broken down roughly like this:

English 92-98%

Spanish 3-5%

Russian 0.5-2%

Mandarin 0.1-0.2%

Indian Languages (?) 0.01%   [I wish I could identify them]

+German, French, Portuguese, random others <0.01%

Most of the mental phrases that occur repeatedly throughout my internal monologue have to do with either a political, philosophical, or sociological issue, but sometimes there are those that just have to do with the simple observations that I make (and I figure other people make too) on a daily basis, such as “We talk like the people we talk with.” So with that in mind, there’s a whole range of speech that doesn’t necessarily fit into a language category, like Spanglish, or dialects of English.

I guess it’s a result of growing up in a mostly homogeneous white middle class neighborhood that I’m afflicted with the blessing and curse of being fascinated by other peoples and cultures. This is despite wanting a more homogeneous Europe in some abstract sense with no immediately explicable reasons for why. (What I mean is that I can easily articulate the intellectual arguments, but it’s always a more difficult process to psychoanalyze oneself and find out why one arrives at a particular argument, and how that argument ends up being a rationalization for some ego-boosting myths).

I used to favor the seals, sharks, and other sea-dwellers when going to the zoo. So sometimes when I hear people talking using sounds I’m not used to, I listen for a moment, favoring them over American English. Am I treating them like zoo animals when I do this? I suppose I don’t really care to be frank, but I think the answer is no, because once I get used to those new sounds, their uniqueness wears off, and I can start absorbing them in a  way that’s closer to how native speakers interpret them.

In our politically correct world, people sometimes criticize you for ‘fetishizing’ other cultures by mimicking them in some way. But isn’t it natural for people, children or adults, to be surprised or fascinated by someone or something unusual, and then tell others about it? Isn’t it natural to be attracted to a form of music, dress, speech, or body language, and then imitate it if we feel it expresses ourselves better? If enough people like something and feel their souls gravitating towards it, it’s going to become an expression of what they are as a tribe. What they are comes first, and then their behaviors follow.

 

 

No More Teachers

All of my final exams are now over. I say “exams” but I really mean papers, since I had no exams for the literature, writing, art, and art history courses I had this semester. The final, eighth semester.

Seven of these semesters were at Fairfield University, with one at IAU, and one summer course at Boston University.

In total, that’s 42 courses, with 35 different professors. Then of course there are the professors I met but didn’t take, the Jesuits, the faculty I interacted with in various capacities, and coaches. Excluding study abroad, I took one professor three times, and four professors twice. In each of those cases and more, the amount of individual attention has been a huge element to making leaps in learning about writing, reading, contemporary art, foreign language, thinking, analyzing, and more.

Maybe I could just say they helped me expand my mind about life itself, or something to that effect. What often happens in practice is that I bring so many opinions to the table that there’s a clashing of viewpoints between me and everyone else (though in recent semesters I’ve kept most of my thoughts to myself when in class). But I think that you can’t really get a true liberal education without that kind of consistent debate. Of course, almost any kind of discussion in humanities courses presents the danger of transforming into a discussion about the inherent moral superiority of leftist political issues (but then there I go with my opinions again).

At the end of “your four years here” students are required/strongly encouraged to fill out various surveys, and for each of them I indicated that the teaching faculty have been an extraordinary part of my experience, and overall, it’s true.

 

 

April 2014

A few weeks ago, visiting Artist Enrico Riley came and talked about his work, and how it fit into his life. He began by showing pictures of places in which he spends or has spent a lot of time. He often thinks about what it means to live in an urban area, or the ruins of a once-booming urban area now mostly abandoned and surrounded by trees (in this case an old wool mill). He was highly influenced by music, particularly jazz, so a lot of his work from college was painting layers of brushstrokes that mimick how he perceived the rhythm and tone of music of a particular song. It then became squares that were placed in accordance with the tone that moved up and down, like sheet music. He used a laser pointer to follow the squares as he played the song to which one of the paintings was dedicated.

His drawings from his time as an undergraduate were quick, with lots of what I’d call squiggly lines. They emerged out of his desire to find areas of nature within urban areas, like parks.

He showed a few images of his young children, along with some child-like drawings he did based around the number 44. He said that he had an illness for a long time, and asked himself; “What if I only live to be forty four?”

Towards the end were his constellation drawings. Straight line after straight, line producing these particularly shaped stars. He said that a lot of his influences came from looking at Amerindian petroglyphs, illuminated manuscripts in Oxford and choir books. He also played a clip of a dance from Central Africa which he said inspired him; in which a tall man in costume and a mask danced furiously using only his legs.

I had the opportunity to have a 20 minute critique with him (as I had done with Doug Beube and Ken Buhler), and his major suggestion was to spend time outside and do more drawing in nature. He said he liked the drawings I’d done recently, which consisted mainly of circles of various sizes drawn next to one another, with the space in between lightly filled in. He said I ought to be more careful with the exactness of the boxes and line-thickness in some of my drawings; the point being that when you imply that you’re trying to be exact, you have to follow through, since otherwise the inexactness will receive all the eye’s attention (i.e. the annoyance that comes when this border or that line is just a little bit off).

The following Thursday I went to an event at the campus center. The only thing I had known about it was that it was titled “Night of Performance.” It was Islam Awareness Week, so the theme of the night was Islam. The first performance was a stand-up comedian who talked about his job as an English teacher, and his life as a Muslim. I think his act/talk was meant to be relatively family-friendly, but anyhow I found it entertaining. Apparently he had ended up on an FBI watchlist once because of his name. He told us about times when he was travelling, including being in Egypt in January 2011 (“Yes, I was there!”), and travelling along with a man conveniently named Dr. Yasser Arafat, which caused some brief inconveniences. He is black, and therefore gets surprised looks from Muslims (I gather he meant usually women wearing hijab) when he greets them (using the typical Muslim greeting, I forget what it is). He talked about a time when he had to try and explain to an old Muslim woman in the Middle East that he was a Muslim yet had no ancestors from outside of Africa (“See, a long time ago, they brought us over on boats…”).

After him were two more acts, the first of which I stayed for. It was a girl who had flown in from California but grew up in Bridgeport. She is also an African-American  Muslim (or at least I think she is), and she performed spoken-word poems. It was an unusual mixture in a sense; an art form developed by the Afr0-Latino community in the West, now being performed by a girl with largely black ancestry but also an Islamic upbringing, adding in Arabic phrases and the experience of the conflicts between religious expectations and the realities of life in America. Her dress was also unusual; all of her body minus her face and hands were covered, yet it seemed sexualized (or maybe you could just say stylish) to me at the same time. She was wearing black along with vibrant pink and turquoise-green colors, which stuck out to me.

Sculptor Jason Peters recently installed his show in the Walsh Art Gallery in the Quick Center. I have yet to actually see it, but I was his first volunteer helper, so I helped carry in hundreds of chairs and stacks of white buckets. He had me drill one-inch-diameter holes into the centers of the bottoms of blue and yellow buckets. The idea, he told me, would be to connect the buckets by this material (I also forget what it’s called) which lights up, causing the colors of the buckets to glow in the room. As we were taking the stuff out of the delivery truck and into the gallery he was talking on the phone with someone about a party or something. Before I left he talked about Howard Zinn, and something about re-interpreting history.

Later that day was the opening of the Junior-Senior Seminar Art Exhibition. We had an excellent turnout, I think significantly greater than last year.

The following Thursday I gave a reading at a student-run event, done by Wagner, a small student-produced publication of poems and short stories and artwork. This was good practice for the reading I was required to give seven days later for my Advanced Writing Portfolio course. It was for this reading that I was dressed up in my khakis, white shirt, and yellow tie. I was dressed this way because the crew team was travelling to New Jersey the following day for a regatta, to which I did not go.

Now finals are almost upon us, and I’ve never seen so many studious students studying so studiously in the DiMenna-Nyselius library before. I am called back to Campus Ministry in the chapel where I remember doing work and hanging out with different friends over three years ago, by the fishtank and red couches and modern art.