Never Give Whiskey to Indians

This past weekend I went to New Hampshire with some friends. One of the adventures that ensued was a trip to a nearby store: Ted’s Discount Store.

It is at Ted’s in Ossipee NH that one can purchase a variety of quality goods. A wooden sign hanging near the entrance advertises: “1,000+ knives.” I’m not so sure about the “1,000” figure, but there are a ton of knives. About half of them are illegal in Massachusetts. Apparently if the knife is capable of springing out of the handle it is considered a weapon, and someone caught with it in Massachusetts and certain other states will be charged with carrying a concealed weapon.

The first thing we heard when we entered was Ted himself, a man with long, gray hair, talking to his buddy: “…that’s why you don’t give whisky to Indians. It used to be illegal, it still should be.”

There’s a supermarket-style rack with various hygiene-related products like shampoo. This is by far the most pristine part of the store.

The store is full of white pieces of paper with messages on them, such as: “24/7 video surveillance! [Thieves beware!]” (It didn’t actually say “thieves” but I can’t recall the  term he used). Another was: “No reaching. You will be charged.” And another: “Cash only. Card Reader Not Working.”

One message warned that the rifles were loaded and that no one should touch them. Gas masks were also for sale.

There was a whole section in which the lights were off. This part was closed off by some tables and a chair, from which was hanging, you guessed it: a white piece of paper which said that you need permission from Ted to enter.

We stayed for around 45 minutes and then left.  This whole visit was of course, as we were reminded, caught on video surveillance.


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